Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Pagbasag sa Ika-4 na Dingding

- how do you feel about your penis?
- it disgusts me. i dont even like looking at it.
-what about friends?
- they dont like it either.
- no. i mean, do you have the support of friends?
-- transamerica

friendships, romans, countrymen -- gay, straight, bi, bi-curious, trans -- and the like ... lend me yor earings!

isyung marcus itech. medyo siryus itich.

mga concerned friendships at mga napadaan lang. salamat sa pakiki-simpatya sa star drama presents wanda.

public service announcement lang. wa siguro akez masusulat na eksenang sasabihin ko ng harapan kay marcus na mahal ko siya ...

ayokong mag-ispluk wid finality, ha? pero parang wa na ako sing ng my pledge of love kay marcus. azz in! wiz ko ata kerri yon. tanggap na tanggap na ng lola mo na ligaw tingin na lang si atashi from miles away, oh, so many miles away ... expert ako diyan e. kerri ko lang yon.

una, para san fa? davah-davah naman? say ko nga sa lola frida at roxy mo, wa naman sense kung may i confess pa si atashi. kahit wichelles pa siya ikakasal, hoping and wishing lang din ang drama ko hanggang ending.

ilusyon ko lang na makikita niya ako finally da way na nakikita niya yung jowawiz niya. at kahit wa yung bilat, dama to da bones na ang tipo ni marcus e pumapatol lang sa may mga kepay. wa naman akechi agbayaning andalei para magpa-TransMarikina noh? tsaka ang daming ka-artehan non.

pang-gelay lang si marcus. trulili. wichelles pang badessa (kainis). yung nangyari samin non, siguro it was a mistake lang (AY MISTAKE DAW OH!!! LECHE!!!). dala lang yon siguro ng kakatihang wit makamot ng kamay.

sana naging babae na lang akeiwa noh?? isang pokpokitang bilat na maganda ang legs at biggie ang boobelya. parang si evelyn. pero kahit yung mga ganong gurlash e nagkakaproblema din sa paghinga, sa laki ng boobies ahihihihi


ikalawa, i-chikka ko man sa lolo niyo ang tru colors at royal tru feelings ng baklita ... alam ko na ka-krayola lang din akiz. wiz lang masasaktan, mapapahiya pa si atashi. dahil hindi nga siya ganon.


mas magandang lumunok na lang akez ng silencer.

i mhin, truli, sineklavu ba sa inyetch ang nagkaroon ng super-powers na magtapat sa cruzhes nila?? wa naman davah-davah??

masaya na akez sa ilusyon na alam niya na yon kunwari ... na may mga bagay na dapat hinahayaan na lang na secret at walang clue ... at least hindi akez magmumukhang shonga sa jorapan niya.

kerri ko naman yon. mage-get-ober da bakod ko din iteklavu. cry-cryola lang ng 2 minutes, tapos kerri na uli. tawa na uli. magaling tayong mga becky diyan e.

again, salamat salamat musika sa mga fans (AY FEELING). thank you rajo laurel for my dress and bambi fuentes for my hair and make-up ...

ka-pamilya, DEAL OR NO DEAL!!!!

hanggang sa susunod na chismisan diteklavu sa parlor kung saan gumaganda ang chakka, sa parlor ng ilusyunada na ka-pakner ni kuya germs sa pagte-terno-terno ng damit, mula sapatos, coat hanggang necktie ... WALANG TULUGAN!!!!

21 comments:

r3dguy said...

WANDA WRTOE: i mhin, truli, sineklavu ba sa inyetch ang nagkaroon ng super-powers na magtapat sa cruzhes nila?? wa naman davah-davah??

.ako. umamin ako sa crush ko. may gf din sha noon. ngayon, friends pa rin kami.

r3dguy said...

.at wa na sila nung gufra niya. he he he.

marcus said...

bakla, tumigil ka na sa pag-ilusyon sa akin. importante ka sa akin bilang kaibigan, pero sana maintindihan mo yung sinabi ko sa yo na hanggang ngayon e naninibago pa rin ako na ganyan ka. diba nga sentro ka namin sa basketball? tapos sasabihin mo pang mahal mo ako, so paano na yan? hindi pa ako fully adjusted, bibiglain mo pa ng ganyang balita. wanda, konting respeto lang...

Anonymous said...

para dun sa marcus marcusan kuno
ikaw dapat ang magbigay ng konting respeto, nakikibasa ka lang ng blog ng may blog. Buti nagkaron ka pa ng time mag create ng blogger account na marcus. Isa lang masasabi ko, YOU HAVE NO LIFE! lol

Anonymous said...

to anonymous from anonymous (LOL), may point kahit papaano si "marcus", kasi kahit nakaka-relate ako kay wanda, dapat i-consider na ikakasal na yung tao. stressful period for marcus, dahil hindi naman for fun lang ang pagpapakasal. kung di na talaga mapigil ni ate wanda, konting consideration sa timing dahil hindi siguro to ang tamang panahon.

gusto ko yung pagka-kaibigan nilang dalawa, pero sayang ang friendship kung uunahin lang ni wanda ang nararamdaman lang nya. based sa history nila, at some point di na sila naging close tulad ng dati, pero unti-unting bumabalik lately. wish ko lang ate wanda, hinay-hinay muna. good luck po!

Anonymous said...

Ako naman, it occurred to me na baka tama nga sina Roxy.

Wanda is simply attracted to the unattainable.

Pero hindi siguro dahil gusto niya pahirapan sarili niya, well, maybe to some extent. Loving Marcus is like loving a man from your fantasy world. I think there are two kinds of Marcus for you. One is the "Real Marcus" and the other is the "Dream Marcus" - yung naha-hug mo, naki-kiss mo sa panaginip nga lang. Forte nating mga tukla yan. Maybe you, Wanda wants two create two worlds. Isang fantasy and isang reality. It's great of you to recognize na magkaiba nga yun. But you know sometimes, it could boomerang. Mahirap masaktan when you get back to reality. Pero mukhang strong ka naman eh. Sabi mo nga "cry lang ng two minutes then smile again". Pero hanggang saan ka dadalhin ng optimism at strength mo. Baka masaid ka nyan. Ma-lukresya ka! Sige!

You should start loving a "real man", not somebody who's product of your idealistic mind. Dream Marcus has to go. Hopefully, through this you could find a more gratifying substantial relationship.

I wish makahanap ka na rin ng taong para sa yo talaga. Hindi ka kasi yata pala labas masyado. Get out of your shell, baka nasa tabi tabi mo lang ang the right guy or gay for you at hinihintay ka rin.

Until our next session,
your psychologist :)

Anonymous said...

One last question pala.

"Do you think ang hindi pagsabi kay Marcus ng iyong saloobin ay paghihinayangan mo when you turn 80 at uugud ugud na? Sasabihin mo bang - Sana pinaramdam ko sa kaniya. Sana nalaman niya. "

Will you regret it?

If you are about to die. Sabihin mo kaya?

Baka naman pwede noh! Kahit pa-joke kunwari. At least nasabi mo.

Anonymous said...

"to anonymous from anonymous (LOL), may point kahit papaano si "marcus", kasi kahit nakaka-relate ako kay wanda, dapat i-consider na ikakasal na yung tao..."

I don't care kung sabihin ni Wanda yung nararamdaman nya or not. I guess my point is wag nang gamitin pa yung name na marcus as if sya talaga yun. Pwede naman syang magbigay ng sariling opinion without the "it's me marcus" made-up story.

Anonymous said...

na-sakto mo, psychologist ...

i think that's where Wanda is right now.

im a close friend of his. that's what ive been telling him.

Anonymous said...

On the other hand, napag-isip isip ko rin anonymous noh. Like a frog, let's

try to dissect Wanda a little further. As avid readers, subukan nating

hubaran si Wanda and see what her real feelings might be.


We learned about Marcus noong nakatambay ang ating bida kina Aling

Mildred. It was a very nakakakilig scene, Marcus jokingly asked him kung

"Pwede nating gawin ulit yun, baka mas magaling ka na ngayon."

We wished Wanda said "Sure! Go ahead and dance!". Pero hindi. She

acted out in her girly persona by just smiling.

Wanda, have you heard about unrequitted love or unfulfilled love? Coz

there's also one thing called "unrequitted libog". Could it be that what you

really felt was more of paghihinayang rather than love? When you did a

rewind of that eksena, you wished you said Yes. Didn't you? It's an

opportunity lost BUT there's no love in it. You seek for romance, so

unconciously, you gloss it over with love to make it look romantic - para

masabi mo sa sarili mo na may romantic encounter ka rin. But was it really

love? Was it really romance? Maybe regret. Regret for not grabbing an

oportunity to be physically intimate with your kababata.


Sometimes, when we regret something or we don't want to blame ourselves

for a bad decision, we try to protect our feelings. We make ourselves

believe it was "this feeling" when in fact it wasn't. The most readily available

Defense Mechanism there is is LOVE. Forgive me for being too up-front but

most people, have sex, and in order to validate or "legalize" that urge they

call it love. Love is a wonderful thing but let's give justice to the word love.

Another thing that we do as humans in order to cusheon the blow of life is by

creating a fantasy world, or sometimes, an imaginary person who's a

replica of a real, existing person. That's where the "Dream Marcus" comes

in. Deep inside, you know it's not possible between you and him. So you

created his alter ego, put him into your dream world and kiss him there, do

whatever you wish to do.

I'm not saying that this is completely wrong. In my opinion, sometimes, it is

necessary and just human to use these defenses but too much of it can rob

you of the opportunity to "savor" life, see yourself clearly, and grow.

As an avid reader of your blog, I felt a connection and eventually I must say

that I care. Hopefully, by looking deep within your motives and feelings,

you'll be able to see the real truth and spare yourself of self-torture.

Seriously, I wish you'll find a time to contemplate and pray. Pray for guidance, for truth, for a person you can call your own.


until our next session,
your psychologist :)

Anonymous said...

siguro kasi aside sa nangyari sa kanila ni marcus dati noong high school pa sila, hindi pa established kung bakit talaga mahal ni wanda si marcus. for us na di kilala si wanda, simpleng libog lang ang nararamdaman nya. wanda, i hope makapag-share ka pa ng iba pang marcus stories to establish the depth of your feelings for him.

Anonymous said...

"I don't care kung sabihin ni Wanda yung nararamdaman nya or not. I guess my point is wag nang gamitin pa yung name na marcus as if sya talaga yun. Pwede naman syang magbigay ng sariling opinion without the "it's me marcus" made-up story. "

what if loving words ang sinulat ni fake marcus, would you still react this way?

Anonymous said...

"what if loving words ang sinulat ni fake marcus, would you still react this way?"

Certainly! Dahil obvious naman na nanggugulo lang.

Anonymous said...

wish ko lang sana masabi mo rin ke marcus. feeling ko kasi sa reaction mo dun sa tukso nia, e parang di pa tapos sayo ang love story mo with him.

bakla, better na masabi kesa sa pagsisihan later on. at least para me closure. di mo naman kelangan sabihin agad-agad. kung surelalu kang gurl talaga ang hilig niya, it can wait after the wedding. but free yourself of the possible what ifs...

may nirefer kong friend sa blog mo ate nung una kong natalisod dito. ang saya saya mo kasing magsulat. pero after cia nagbasa, sabi niya malungkot ka raw. yun impression niya a. totooh ba yun wanda?

baka tama ci psychologist, maybe you just need to go out some more and find the imperfect person you'd be madly in love with the rest of yor layp(yeah right....)

ako, nagtapat na rin ko dun sa kolokoy kong bestfriend na crush ko nun pa. tatlong girlfriends na niya ang lumipas mula nung ipinagtapat kong ako nga si Darna(!), pero yun, magbestfriends pa rin kami.

ok kc yung open kyo sa isat-isa. kahit naliligaw ang kamay ko paminsanminsan pagsobrang ngenge, me understanding siya. hinahawi niya si malditang kamay pero lam niyang libog at alak lang yun. tuksong kaibigan lang wanda. hehehe.

wanda, ilusyunada said...

kaya wiz muna akez nagsusulat uli ... sana maintindihan niyo, na kung wala kayo sa posisyon ko madali lang tong pinagdadaanan ko. pero kung andito kayo kung nasaan ako, at nararamdaman niyo yung nararamdaman ko, malalaman niyong mahirap magmahal ng ibang lalaki kung may mahal na yung puso mo (ANG BADUUUY!!!). hindi mahalaga kung naging kayo, o kung naibalik niya yung pagmamahal na yon. yun yung palagay kong nakakalimutan natin e. gusto natin laging nasusuklian. nakakalimot tayong ang pinakamahalagang bahagi ng pagmamahal ay ang "mahal kita" at hindi (mashado) yung "dapat mahal mo rin ako kasi mahal kita." hindi pagmamahal yon ...

bear with me girls ... sakit ko to. pag problemang puso talaga, naloloka ako. world hunger, kaya ko yan labanan. pero problemang puso, ay dead ma ...

sorry sa mga pumupunta ng parlor na umaasang mapapatawa ko sila tapos idadamay ko lang pala kayo sa kalungkutan ... hehehe

pasensya. pero nagsusulat pa din ako ... inaantay ko lang uli yung punchline ...

cheH said...

kaaliw kang basahin!hindi ako nagsisisi napadpad dito sa iyong e-mansyones:)

ma link nga kita at mabalikan;)

Anonymous said...

just go on a journey with wanda. in a way, writing here is wanda's own therapy - to presume that you can actually influence what wanda will or will not write and what wanda should or should not think and do is to destroy everything that we actually loved about this blog in the first place.

this is wanda's blog. enjoy her journey. go on a trip with her thoughts. if you can't take it if she's being too idealistic or grandly romantic for your taste, then go back to your cynical real world. you don't need to join the trip.

eva fonda said...

ATE WANDA....MARAMI PANG LALAKI.
SAYANG NAMAN...MASARAP PA NAMAN SUMUSO.
LOVE
LOLA EVAFONDA

Anonymous said...

OCTOBER na ano na kaya nangyari sa kapatid ni wanda? at sa kasal ni marcus?

just wondering what happened to wanda...

E.R. said...

bI remember last year lang 'todo amin ako sa crush kong boylaloo.. 4th year college ako 1st year college siya..same course hahaha.. Nagfall ako papano nagpost ba naman sa friendster niya ng picture naming dalawa from a party with the caption "with ms. diva.." to think wa kami usap, we never became close!

Ryan said...

:( hug na lang kita wanda kung ok lang.. to make you feel better kahit last year mo pa sinulat ito tas ngayon lang ako nagkocomment *hugs*